One of you loves a crowded room and the other quietly counts the minutes until home, and the science of arousal explains why that clash is real, not a flaw, plus the strategies couples use to make it work

One partner comes alive at a crowded dinner and wants to stay until the lights come up; the other is quietly counting the minutes until they can go home and read in silence. It is one of the most common tensions in a marriage, and it can curdle into something…